


Mania

by damadamascus



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26708383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damadamascus/pseuds/damadamascus
Summary: Reno runs into trouble at Healen Lodge in the form of three remnants demanding... entertainment.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Mania

**Author's Note:**

> crackfic that turned too serious near the end. don't think about it too hard.

It was just for one night.

There was nothing that could have led him to think it would be a mistake; no neon blinking signs in the sky warning him to reconsider. That night’s storm beat against his back and shoulders as he hurried, head hunched, towards the lodge. If he could just get inside and wait out the storm, just for one night--

Of course it didn’t work out that way, though.

The door opened easily enough. It was getting it shut again that proved difficult; Reno leaned his whole body against the door, feet slipping on the floor where water had puddled underneath him as the wind blew angrily into the lodge. He strained and threw his weight into it, and suddenly, the door shut without resistance. Reno nearly toppled over, letting out a short gasp of a cheer.

It was dark in the lodge; Reno felt his way down the wall, seeking a lightswitch. His hand brushed against something plastic and he flipped it upwards, illuminating the lodge. Since the fall of Midgar, it had served as Shin-ra’s base of operations, though he’d only stayed overnight alone once.

And now he wasn’t alone.

It took him only a fraction of a second to react. The light came on, and there they were, two dark leather-clad figures, eyeing him curiously. The bigger one stood by the door, hand holding it shut, and Reno recalled how easily the wind had been cast back out into the night. The other one, closer in height to Reno himself, slimmer, leaned against the couch, seated on the back edge of the furniture, watching him with eyes like a hungry cat.

The silver hair was a dead giveaway.

In that fraction of a second, Reno whipped his electro-mag rod out, ready to fight them--but was immediately aware of the gun pointed at his head. “Don’t do that,” the bigger guy warned. Reno froze, not sure how he had moved so fast, but not liking it either way.

“What do we do with him?” the bigger one asked, and the other shrugged.

“It probably doesn’t matter. He’s just a Turk.”

“Well, what do you think Kadaj wants us to do?”

“Kill him,” the slender one said, and they both grinned.

“Woah, hey, fellas… I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m just janitorial!” The lie came easily, without much thought. Housekeeping, at midnight, in this storm? Sure.

“So can we play with him?” the big guy asked, sounding a little too excited about the prospect.

“I don’t see why not.”

“Hey, come on now…” The slender one stood and closed in, quickly erasing the space between them. “Listen, whatever beef you’ve got, it’s not with me, yo!”

“Isn’t it?” the slender one purred, prying the electro-mag rod out of Reno’s hand and tossing it aside. “As I understand it, we have plenty of  _ beef  _ with Shin-ra and its dogs.”

He didn’t like being called a dog much. Reno lunged forward and reeled back with a splitting headache. The Sephiroth look alike recoiled from the headbutt, clutching his forehead and gritting his teeth.

“Loz!” he snapped, pointing at the bigger guy, “do something about him.”

Loz grabbed Reno by the back of the neck and kicked his legs out from under him, bringing him to his knees. The other one--who had a blossoming red spot in the center of his forehead, where Reno had struck him--approached again, sneering.

“What do you freaks want from me,” Reno spat. He was  _ quickly  _ becoming tired of whatever the hell was going on here.

The two of them shared a dark look, and twin smiles spread across their faces. “Why don’t you entertain us,” the slender one said. Reno gulped.

\--

“Son of a bitch!” Reno cried, throwing his controller down on the floor. “How the hell are you so good at this, yo?”

“It’s not my fault you have no hand-eye coordination,” Yazoo said smoothly, as the go-kart princess on the screen drove over the finish line. Reno scowled, glancing at Loz’s corner of the screen. His go-kart appeared to be going backwards.

“That’s not the--I  _ have  _ hand-eye coordination! You just cheated.”

“Using the power-ups provided to me isn’t cheating,” Yazoo said smugly. The go-kart princess cheered from her spot atop the first place pedestal. Loz yawned, leaning back until he fell against the floor of the lodge. Reno glanced at the clock on the wall. Almost 2 a.m.

“I feel that, yo,” Reno sighed, stretching. He’d intended to go straight to bed upon reaching the lodge, but after being roped into  _ babysitting  _ a couple of Jenova’s brats, his plans had been tossed out the window and into the pouring rain. “Hey, can we sleep now?”

Yazoo glanced over at him and hammered on the “START” button for the next round.

Halfway to 3 o’clock, long after Loz had fallen asleep and they’d tossed a blanket over him--poorly, his head was covered but the rest of him not--the front door blew open again, and a figure staggered in. Reno whipped his head around to look, ignoring the game (now some sort of 2-player combat series) in favor of eyeing the newcomer. Yazoo sneakily hammered on the attack button until Reno’s character keeled over dead before regarding his brother.

“Kadaj, you’re back.”

“It’s freezing out there! I almost got blown off the…” Kadaj, shorter than any of them and slim like Yazoo, froze up, staring at Reno. The Turk gave an awkward little wave.

“Ah… a-ha! You’ve captured one of Shin-ra’s lapdogs! This is good, Yazoo! We can use him as bait. When big brother comes to save him, we’ll slit his throat.”

“He’s more fun like this,” Yazoo said. “He has games.”

Kadaj stared at his brother for a moment, clearly unsatisfied with that answer, but curiosity got the best of him. “...What kind of games?”

“Mana Mania Go-karts 5?” Reno offered, holding up the case.

Kadaj plopped down on his other side and picked up a controller.

At dawn, the skies cleared. The storm passed, leaving the world soft and wet. The sun emerged, warming the landscape, and at around 8 a.m, help arrived.

Cloud Strife kicked in the door of the Healen Lodge and drew his sword, ready for countless Sephiroth clones to attack. He was met with confused, sleepy stares from the four guys waking up on the floor, tangled up in video game controller cords.

“What happened here, Reno,” Cloud asked, and Reno shrugged.

“Sleepover, yo.”

Kadaj sat up, rubbing his eyes, and looked Cloud dead-on with his Mako-green gaze.

“What kind of games do you have on your phone?”

Cloud was silent for a long, confused moment. “Tetris,” he said finally, producing his phone to hold it out, an offering of peace. Kadaj clicked his tongue disdainfully, but took the phone nonetheless. Reno seemed content to watch Kadaj play, but Cloud beckoned him over, and the two of them began a heated whispering between themselves.

“What are we supposed to do with them?” Reno asked.

“I don’t know.”

“They’re mostly pretty harmless, you know. I mean they all cheat, but that’s to be expected.”

“We can’t let them stay here. They’re…”

“We can all hear you,” Kadaj called over to them, hammering away at the raised buttons on Cloud’s cellphone. Beside him, Yazoo started to sit up, yawning hard. Loz was still fast asleep.

“They seem pretty content to just hang out and play,” Reno pointed out. Cloud sighed, and groaned, and dragged a hand down his face.

“That’s not an option--do you know how many people… I need to call Barret. Give me my phone back.”

Kadaj shot him a vicious look and shook his head. “No, I’m winning.” Cloud strode towards him, and the remnant held the phone at arms length. “Play you for it.”

“I’m not playing.”

“Come on, yo, Mana Mania 5’s not that bad. Sure, the graphics suck, but…”

“One round,” Kadaj said. “You win, you get your phone back and you can call all your little environmentalist friends to kill us.”

“And what happens if you win?” Cloud asked.

Kadaj smirked. “If we win, we get to stay.”

Loz was moved out of the way, and the four of them sat down in front of the grainy tv screen to start a race. “Don’t forget whose team you’re on,” Cloud warned, and Reno rolled his eyes.

_ READY? _

_ 3…. 2…. 1…. _

_ GO! _

Four go karts shot out of the starting line, hurrying to claim the first lap. Anyone watching might have remarked at the seriousness written on each of their faces as Cloud, Reno, and the two remnants focused everything they had on passing one another. Yazoo used underhanded methods, Cloud quickly learned--he was the type to run Reno off the track at the expense of his own go kart--but Kadaj, surprisingly, played clean. By the beginning of the final lap, it was down to just Cloud and Kadaj, both leaning towards their controllers as if to make their karts go faster, both aiming for every single available powerup to scrape by as the winner. They crossed the finish line neck and neck…!

_ WINNER _

_ PLAYER 1! _

Kadaj dropped his controller in shock, staring at Cloud’s avatar as it made a victory lap around the course. Yazoo patted his shoulder.

“We’re… going to be killed.”

“That was the deal, yes,” Yazoo said, unaffected.

“Give me my phone,” Cloud said, yanking it away from Kadaj, who curled in on himself wordlessly. He stood, heading over towards the window to place a call to Seventh Heaven.

“It’s me. I’m going to be late coming back. Nothing’s wrong. Just taking a while. Yeah. Uh huh. Later.” He turned back towards the tv, where the three remnants stood, the other two guarding Kadaj.

“Calm down. I’m not going to kill you.”

“Liar,” Loz sniffled. He had apparently been filled in since awakening.

“You kids really aren’t what I expected,” Cloud sighed. That only made it harder for him; if they were all exact copies of Sephiroth, if they all behaved like him, it would be so much easier to draw his sword now. Instead…

“Come on. You’re coming back with me. I’ll smooth things over with everyone else.”

“You sure about this, yo?” Reno asked, as if he hadn’t been the one defending them earlier.

“Kadaj didn’t cheat,” Cloud said. “He had every opportunity. He could have elbowed me, or unplugged my controller… It was a fair fight.”

“You’re judging me based on that?” Kadaj asked, lip curling in a little sneer.

“He’s taking video games too seriously,” Yazoo murmured.

Cloud’s eyelid twitched in irritation. “What I’m saying is, you could have won, but you chose integrity over victory.”

“I don’t have integrity,” Kadaj spat.

“Stop making me second guess my decision. Go get in the truck.”

As the remnants settled in the vehicle outside, supervised by Reno, Cloud placed another call to Seventh Heaven.

“Hey. Me again. Yeah. You’re gonna be pissed, but I’m bringing some… kids home. Again.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm craving "Clouds takes in remnants and teaches them how to be people" and it shows ;__; the majority of this fic is from Feb 2019, I just touched it up and slapped a loose ending on there.
> 
> I badly want to write more FFVIIAC fic about the boys being back in town y__y god Cloud please adopt them and acclimate them to normal life.


End file.
